I'm eating all of the evidence.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
