why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
