Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
