So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
