im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
