eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
