there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
