We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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