i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish I only lived at night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
