Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
