Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
