I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
