Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
