I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
