I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
