so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
