She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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