My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
