Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
