His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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