I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
