shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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