I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
