We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
