I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
