like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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