I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
