3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize