Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
