please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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