So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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