tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
