She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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