I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
