I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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