Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
