put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
