he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
