im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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