My balls are so social today.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
