Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
