Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
