Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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