Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
