I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
