we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he was CRYING into my vagina
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
