Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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