She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize