true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
