there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
