She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i need some magic done to my vagina
I FOUND THE LEGS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize