Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
