you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just want to make out with him forever
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
