Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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