I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
