whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize