I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
