He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
