nut hugger
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
