She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
