Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
