I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize