Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They took my balls.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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