I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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