no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
