I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
