i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
